I Will Be Going Crazy Next Thursday

I had no intention of this becoming a writer’s blog where I lament about the struggles to produce pieces that I deem worthy of submission and am then reduce to trying to make myself feel better with motivational quotes and referencing long lists of similarly fated classics when my work is rejected.

But, as Aldous Huxley once said, “Hell isn’t merely paved with good intentions; it’s walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too.”

I have found that a writer’s blog isn’t necessarily as I described it above and I recently read this guest post by Sarah Mae on Jeff Goins’ blog. She makes an argument about writing within your limitations and letting go of your expectations of how a “real” writer creates. For her it included “…long winter days in a cabin by a fire with a dog.” As a mother and wife, she found this an impossible prospect.

While becoming a wife is somewhere in the low hundreds on my bucket list and a mother doesn’t even rank, my perceptions of a “real” writer have clouded my ability to write confidently. A proper writer needs a whiskey habit. They need to be surrounded by a group of like-minded individuals, not friends, as reassurance that the crazy thoughts that have persevered to paper are indeed genius. There must be an element of desperation beyond a passion for writing.

Now I am struggling with the possibility that while unstable enough to be motivated creatively, I may be too sane, too responsible, or too well-adjusted to write something good.

So, I’ve decided to plan a mental breakdown. I’m not looking to go bat-shit crazy, just far enough that I can enter the realm of legitimate writer without developing an addiction or committing a heinous crime. Something questionable, like Kerouac taping pieces of paper together to write On The Road in one big scroll, but not so far as Joyce and Finnegans Wake.

I’ve considered constructing a novel in Sharpie on the wall, but I’m not willing to go devil-may-care with my security deposit, so…

I am open to suggestions for this event, of course, as there are certain characteristics of a “real” writer that are inherent to me. Like the need for validation. I will also take suggestions on the best varieties of the distilled kind, as I’ll need alternative forms of payment as leverage when it comes to an editor for my resulting work.

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